His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
