There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
