I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
