i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
