I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
