The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
