The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm just crazy horny about you
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
