how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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