Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There are leaves in my underwear?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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