This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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