I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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