Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
