I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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