You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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