a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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