There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i need an iv and a liver transplant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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