Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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