so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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