Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
