It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
