I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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