420 ftw
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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