just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
