So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
