i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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