I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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