She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
