I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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