if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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