you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
