420 ftw
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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