Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
