sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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