Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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