I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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