Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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