Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
