Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
