Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
