does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ttyl tear gas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
