Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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