the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
