Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
