Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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