Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
