I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
