Define "chronic" masturbator.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
