man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
