i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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