areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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