Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
