I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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