I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
