Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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