Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm getting married
To pizza
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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