I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
