Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
