the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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