we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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