Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
