I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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