hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
