Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
