there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
