No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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