i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
