Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
