Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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