Your face is a jimmy john
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize