I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
